Security & Home

I have finally left Thailand & am back on the picadilly line. I fully intended to write a blog last night about the excellent markets and the lovely purchases I have. I managed to find 2 uses for an umbrella which means I no longer hate them alongside divan beds but oh no that post was wiped out of the window as soon as I arrived at BKK airport aka the smiley airport. That is their words not mine & I think they might have been pulling a joke as I do not recall any smiley that night.

So I arrive with 4 hours to spare, this is so I can bag an extra leg room seat. I'm a little bit worried about this flight due to the three bites on my legs being full of infection, blood and bruising. I feel a bit worried about DVT so measure the bruising, swelling & everything. There is no emergency exit but I manage to get an extra leg room seat. This is also without showing the legs. Bloody miracle I say.

So happy with my seat I set off for the two things an airport needs. Now what do you think this could be? Some of you will be coffee/duty free? I am afraid you are wrong, airports only need plugs & wifi. In Singapore the whole airport has free wifi or hundred of free computers for Internet. Everywhere you look are plugs....Bangkok however has 4 plugs in the entire departure lounge....4!!!! Are you serious!!! Then for wifi I can access the free one so I look for a computer to pay.....none!! I ask at the information desk of the smiley airport remember. I meet two miserable Thai women, they look like bulldogs chewing wasps but anyway with my biggest smile for the smiley airport I ask:

Sawandeeka! Do you have free wifi? [big smile]

No! It broke!

They return to looking at their nails with their dog rough faces. I am like seriously??? I thought this place was smiley.

So I head for food after scanning the wifi available places, I head to a very expensive restaurant but I have bahts to burn so it's ok. Before I eat I ask the same question as above. This Poe faced old witch says ask at information. So I left and thought I did ask those cows but they were not listening to the airports KPIs.....I saw no smiles.

As we know I am sometimes determined so I head back with a smile Dame M would be proud of, I change the question:

Sawandeeka! Is there a computer I can access my emails on.

Old cow number 2 says only on level 2. Cue duchy lemon face, so I turn away without thank yous. I mean why are these witches miserable, they are not escorts for muddled aged Europeans, I saw no ping pings flying around the room or boy bits being tucked inside.....you silly stuck up educated cows are getting by without the sex trade & the look on your face is worse than the poor girl we saw being told to wait outside McD for 3 hours whilst her English Curbcrawler meets his mate for some beer. Now she had a reason to be sad but you tits just need to smile. Anyway I take said advice from said tarts and head to level 2. As I hit the escalator I just know it's not right. There is no up escalator and no shops and signs everywhere saying transfer. Ooops!! So I need to transfer to my original flight from the same airport. I join the que and explain: I get told by a lady who did smile (or fart, not sure which) I can come through security but I must give my water in which I bought 5 minutes before upstairs in the same airport.

It's my only choice so I gave her the water and set off again through security. I then passed a free computer on level 4 by the witches on my way to my gate.....well if the thought of spending a night in Bangkok hilton was a option I would have gone all English on her. Instead as a grown up I quickly checked facebooke and boarded my plane. For once I am grateful of heathrow terminal 3 and the miserable staff & old ladies who beat you for their cases. IRS sure better than tucktuvks, dengue fever, the brad Pitts and linguine people.

Glad to be home but loved hanging out with NY mayors fir 3 weeks.

Kent here I come.