Hangover "The Trilogy"

Yesterday was our first day without Olga, this is terrible for several reasons.  The first is Ben misses her so he is a little lost, I miss her so I am a little lost, Olga had the plan so we are both a little lost.  In her absence we have decided to get more lost in Bangkok and we head to China Town.  I am sure you are all aware I love maps, I love to know where I am in relation to home, UK, Accommodation and North so I purchase for a few 200 bahts a glossy groovy map.  Now this map has cost more than my accommodation and food so it better be good.  Clearly the laminated pages are a turn on so I am happy also you can fold it out into the small area you need so I am not holding an A1 sheet of paper which screams I AM A TOURIST PLEASE SCAM ME FOR YOU TUCKTUCK RIDES & TELLING ME THE TEMPLE IS SHUT.  Clearly these tourist touts have no idea I have no culture so I could not give a crickets arse if I see inside one.  After China I am all templed and budda out so I am happy for no culture for the rest of myy life.  Bring on Australia my friend. x

So we set off map in hand to find the ferry to take us to China town, approximatly 600 tucktuck drivers ask to take us on a tour for 20 baht.  This means come in my tucktuck I will take you to my friends shop, we will look big and menacing until you buy a truck load of shit you do not want and then we leave you there and do not take you home unless you pay 70 baht.  Luckily for us the scouser taught us a song which goes like this:

"do do do, do der dum! we don't need yout tucktuck tonight" so this got sung a few times on this morning.  Well we finally find the ferry and a single ticket costs how much.........yes you heard me 15baht!! BOOOM! About 30 pence.

"do do do, do der dum! we don't need yout tucktuck tonight" in your face!!!

So china town food markets were ace, we have photos of food you would never want to eat.  I think we ate some as one chicken on sticks we ate were guts [chunder tastic]  then we ate rubber fruit with textures that should not be describe on here.  After not getting lost at all we head back to Kao san Road to book a cookery course so we can become experts in our own Pad Thai.  The course was booked and we had an hours break from each other.  In this time Ben was in charge of internet and sorting out his mobile, I was in charge of finding the laudry.  In the process of doing so I found a secret street.  Now living in Brighton you always avoid the neon streets and head into the lanes for a real night out so in Bangkok I figure you do the same.  Off I went to my secret alley..it was awsome, there are tatoo parlours [no I didn't get one but nearly], piercing places [no Ben didn't get one but nearly] and a non motorbike club rasta bar.  Now everything was telling me Sue and Richard will kill me if I go here but I felt drawn by its magic.  So off I went and found my friend and took him to the secret street.

I will digress for a moment but come back to this bar.  I need to set the atmosphere for the evening now we were both Olga Sick, we haven't had a massive night out for 2 days, we were in Bangkok where the Hangover 2 apparently was filmed so we decided to have a beer and a chat about life since we parted company in August.  Now Ben and myself enjoy extreme sports, Ben has done several bungy jumps and I think 7 in one day, he has jumped out of a plane and we dive and I am mental on my voodoo cream so we needed some extreeme sports.  NOOOOOOOOOOOO I am not talking about Thai Boxing, anyone can beat someone up in a ring.  We are having a night out on the Kao San Road.  Take the worst street in your city, the one which sell neon goods, wristbands, punching bart simpsons.  Yes my friend we are in Thailands version of Benidorm.  The only difference is the Drunk English are buying their sex life from LadyBodys, LadyGirls or anyone who says yes.  Now here is our story.


We head to the non motorcycle club rasta bar and ordered out of habit 2 changs.  Should we be alarmed that the lady asked what we wanted to smoke with our beers.  Ben told her we did not smoke and we only drink changs.  This is something you need to be careful of if you smoke non nicotine smokes (luckily we do neither).  The Thai police are a little corupt and they ask people to sell drugs to tourists, then they bust the tourist and offer them a night in the Bangkok Hilton or you pay them ASAP/NOW 70000 baht about 1200 pounds.  They walk you to the cash machine to get it.  Luckily we do not so we do not need to worry.

On the way to our next venue we are asked for the 900th time:

"you like pingpong show" "pop pop"

This is a common question afetr 7pm on this strip of land so tonight when we heard:

looky looky man: "you like pingpong show" "pop pop"

Ben: "No sorry, I don't like sports"

Then after 2 changs we head for dinner number 1 and order a few more changs and listen to live music just off the Koa San Road.  The Koa San road is vile so you would be crazy to drinmk there.  It is full of european idiots and buckets and kids and it is just gross.  Ben and myself are not idiots so we drank in a bar with live music.  After x amount of changs we start to talk about getting tatts, living your life to the full and going with the flow.  This reminds us of our dear friend Olga who had to go home, Ben and Olga got matching tatooes which say something similar to go with the flow.  Throughout the trip if our plans changed we shouted go with the flow and they waves their arms in the air to show the artwork.  I am clearly a coward and do not wat a tatoo so we did the next best thing, we drew it on with pen.  Of course not the Thai writing, good old fashioned engligh.  GO WITH THE FLOW.  It was in the same place as there and we went with the flow in celebration of the third component of the shampoo whi was sitting in a cold, wet london :-((((((

Then we got beer hungry and had dinner number 2, followed by a kebab on the way home and somehow I do not know how......we ended up in the bar which sold VERY STRONG BUCKETS for very little bahts and then the party started.  We ended up singing, dancing and wearing new wristbands but luckily for us our dancing was outstripped by a russian pair. There is a video but having a few problems uploading.

This made for Dehli Belly this morning X2 and a very eventful cookery lesson.  We made 7 dishes and they were delicious, I never want to eat again thou and feel a little fat and sick at the thought.  So here we are stuck in an air conditioned internet room avoiding food, changs and party.  I guess the statement about being a grown up applies to the UK only and I will start in 2 days.